Should I Stay or Should I Go?
When you love someone, but you're no longer sure whether the relationship is right for you. Perhaps you've been asking yourself the same question for months or even years. Should I stay, or should I go?
One day you think things aren't bad enough to leave. The next, you're exhausted by another argument, another disappointment or another day of walking on eggshells.
You wonder whether you're expecting too much. Whether you're too sensitive. Whether you should try harder. Whether things could change.
Or whether, deep down, you already know.
Living in that uncertainty can be exhausting.
My Should I Stay or Should I Go? Framework gives you a structured, supportive way to understand what is happening in your relationship, explore what could change and become clearer about what you want.
You Don't Have to Be Ready to Leave to Ask for Help
Relationship support isn't only for people who have already decided to separate.
In fact, getting support earlier may help you understand what is going wrong and whether there is something that can realistically change.
You may be:
• walking on eggshells to avoid another argument
• struggling to communicate without conversations becoming defensive or hostile
• questioning your own feelings or judgement
• constantly putting your partner's needs before your own
• feeling guilty whenever you say no
• wondering whether your expectations are unreasonable
• feeling lonely despite being in a relationship
• repeatedly threatening or considering separation but never reaching a decision
• worried about the impact on your children
• frightened of making the wrong decision
• wondering whether the problem is the relationship or you.
You don't need to arrive knowing the answer.
Finding the answer is the work we do together.
What If the Relationship Could Change? Clarity Without Pressure
Despite being a divorce coach, I don’t encourage divorce. But nor do I believe a relationship should be preserved at any cost.
Ending a significant relationship can have enormous emotional, practical and financial consequences, particularly when children are involved. So, where there is a healthy and realistic possibility of improving the relationship, I believe it is worth understanding what would need to change before making such an important decision.
Together, we can explore communication, unmet needs, boundaries, patterns of conflict and the roles you have both developed within the relationship. We look at what could be worked on, what you need from the relationship and what would need to be different for you to genuinely want to stay.
But meaningful change is different from repeatedly hoping things will improve.
An important part of the process is therefore looking not only at what would need to change, but whether there is genuine willingness and capacity for that change to happen and be sustained.
Sometimes this work helps you recognise that there are things within the relationship that can be worked on. Sometimes it helps you see that you have been trying to make things work largely on your own. And sometimes you simply need more time and information before making a decision.
There is no predetermined outcome.
The aim is greater communication where that is possible, stronger boundaries, a clearer understanding of your relationship and enough self-trust to make a thoughtful decision based on your circumstances, needs and values; rather than guilt, fear or pressure from other people.
The Should I Stay or Should I Go? Framework
The framework helps you step away from the endless internal debate and look more clearly at yourself, the relationship and your choices.
Understand What Is Actually Happening
When you've been living inside a difficult dynamic for a long time, it can become hard to see it objectively.
We begin by making sense of what is happening rather than immediately deciding what you should do about it.
What keeps happening?
How do disagreements unfold?
Do problems get resolved, or simply disappear until the next time?
Do you feel able to be yourself?
Are you increasingly adapting your behaviour to manage somebody else's reactions?
Greater clarity about the dynamic itself is the starting point.
Communication
What happens when you try to express how you feel or what you need?
Can you disagree, listen, take responsibility and repair after conflict?
Language & Conditioning
We look at the beliefs and patterns you may have learned about relationships such as keeping the peace, people pleasing, feeling responsible for others or believing that having needs is selfish.
Needs, Values & Boundaries
What do you actually need from a relationship?
What matters to you?
What is negotiable and what isn't?
And what happens when you express a boundary?
What Does a Healthy Relationship Actually Look Like?
We explore what safety, respect, trust, consistency, compromise, accountability and repair look like, helping you recognise the green, amber and red flags in your own relationship.
What Would Need to Change for You to Stay?
Instead of only asking “Should I leave?”, we ask:
“What would need to change for me to genuinely want to stay?”
And importantly, is that change both possible and actually happening?
What About the Children?
For many parents, this is the main concern. You may worry about disrupting your children's lives, and the impact that a change in finances, or home may have on them and how that might change the relationship with either parent.
We can also consider what your children are experiencing now, what they are learning about relationships, conflict, communication, boundaries and repair, and what different possible futures could look like for your family.
The outcome belongs to you. My role is to help you reach it with greater clarity, confidence and self-trust.
What Clients Say...
"Thank you so much for yesterday's coaching session and for summarising it all for me. It feels good to be taking positive action! I love your very natural coaching style. It was so helpful to have a sanity check on things that I have been mulling over on my own and reassuring to feel so supported. Despite sharing some very negative thoughts and feelings, which I don't like doing, I never felt judged, only championed, so hats off to you! Thank you for being there Becca and for sharing your skills and experience." W
"Becca helped me enormously throughout the period of several weeks when I was trying to reach a decision on whether or not to divorce. It was a difficult period for me, and I had a lot of uncertainty. Becca discussed the problems, and she also went out of her way to research for me, helped me to discuss with a solicitor, and assisted me to reach my decision which would suit my situation. It has certainly taken a weight off my mind, and I could not have come through this without her support. I am truly grateful to Becca for all her time, empathy, and consideration throughout my weeks with her" J
If You Decide to Leave...
If your decision is to separate, you don't have to navigate what comes next alone. I also provide practical and emotional support through separation and divorce, including communication, boundaries, working effectively with solicitors and other professionals, co-parenting and navigating difficult or abusive post-separation dynamics.
Why Work With Me?
I bring together more than 25 years' experience in health and wellbeing with accredited training in divorce and breakup coaching and further professional development around difficult relationships, domestic abuse, coercive control and post-separation abuse.
My work is also informed by lived experience. I understand how easy it can be to spend years believing that you are too sensitive, too demanding or somehow the problem. I also understand that health, exhaustion, hormones, stress and relationship difficulties can sometimes become tangled together.
That is why I don't look at your relationship in isolation.
Using my Should I Stay or Should I Go? Framework alongside the wider BLOOM Framework®, we can explore communication, conditioning, needs, values, healthy relationship dynamics, boundaries and self-trust without forcing a decision before you are ready.
I won't tell you to stay. I won't tell you to leave. I'll help you understand your relationship clearly enough to make your own decision.